Degausser
by Vermillion Serpent
Summary: He had not had such time to be free in so many long years and there was nothing that would stop him from enjoying it. AU due to events of the manga. Name changed from Fallen unto Sunlight.
1. Goodbye to Sleep

**DEGAUSSER**

Degausser – D. Gray Man Fanfic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Rating: T

Note: This is based WAAAAYYY before the newer chapters so is slightly AU. ^^ This is my perception of the 14th before he was actually revealed properly. :) Lyrics belong to Brand New.

* * *

_**DEGAUSSER CHAPTER 1: Goodbye to Sleep  
**_

_"Goodbye to sleep  
I think this staying up is exactly what I need  
Well, take apart your mind  
Take apart the counting and the flock it has bred"**  
**_

_Lavi was quiet. Thoughtfully quiet with a distant look in his one green eye. His body was arched as his elbows leant against thick railings that lined the small balconies located across the new building many exorcists, finders and scientists affectionately called home. His chin was buried in his hands and his index fingers hid his lips. He didn't so much as twitch when Allen appeared next to him, asking what had him so lost in thought._

_When he didn't answer, the younger waved a hand in front of the red-head's eye, "Hey, Lavi? Bunny? Oh dear, that sounds strange.. I know 'Usagi' means something like that-"_

_Lavi's laughter cut Allen's sentence short, "It means rabbit, bean sprout." He grinned as Allen flared up at the familiar nickname._

"_It's Allen!" he declared, "Honestly!"_

"_I know, I know, it's just fun to mess with you."_

_Allen rolled his eyes and shook his head before fixing the older teen with a stare, "You didn't answer my question: What's on your mind?" he asked again._

_Lavi's eye strayed from Allen's and he stared back out at the clouds, "It's not important."_

"_It's obviously something. You've not been yourself recently; even Kanda has noticed."_

_Lavi's eyebrows rose, "Yuu-chan's worried is he?" The red-haired exorcist grinned cheekily down at Allen, "Aww, I didn't think he'd get so soft!"_

_Allen grinned back, "Yeah, it was pretty strange hearing him ask what was wrong." His grin died down to a smile, "But still, it's not just him. Everyone is a little concerned. You can tell me, you know."_

_Lavi frowned ever so slightly, losing his own grin in an instant, though this wasn't replaced with a smile, "I don't know whether you'd want to hear."_

_It was Allen's turn to frown, "Why's that?"_

_The red-head sighed, he turned his head away from the sixteen-year-old before he spoke again, "The thing is.. I.. don't know whether it is safe for me to be here anymore." Allen opened his mouth to protest and Lavi seemed to sense it, "I don't mean safe from Akuma or Noah._

"_I am Bookman's apprentice, I am going to beBookman when Gramps dies and he and I are worried that I am growing too attached to the Order. I'm growing a heart and I shouldn't have one. That's how it is supposed to be. Bookmen are a non-biased clan and always have been, if I grow a heart then I am being biased and I can't do that. The truth is.. I don't think I could manage to stay here much longer."_

_Allen's grey eyes widened through his furrowed brow, "So just don't get attached! Record for your documents but just ignore attempts people make to get close to you.. you don't have to leave-"_

"_It's not that simple, Allen!" Lavi fixed an icy glare at the railings and his knuckles whitened as he gripped them, "You should know of all people that it's not so simple! Look at me now! I shouldn't even be getting worked up like this but I am because I've grown a heart!" He went silent, his glare intense and chest heaving._

_His voice was softer when he spoke again, "I don't want to hurt anybody and I don't want to be a failure to Bookman. That's why I am planning on leaving."_

_Allen too spoke quietly, hesitant to do so in case he made the older boy mad again, "W-where will you go? Your job is to record this war.. you.. you can't just give up on that.."  
"I've been thinking about it. The Millenium Earl's side may be a good place for me to go."_

_Allen's eyes widened the furthest they ever had and his mouth dropped open as he stumbled backwards, "How could you even consider that?" he cried; disbelief flooding through his voice. Lavi made no intention of replying. "You'd turn against the whole Order, rather than just **try** to rid yourself of feelings?"_

"_It would be a benefit to the Bookman clan. Unbiased; both sides would have a record." The junior Bookman's voice was monotonous and he had resumed the position of holding his chin._

"_You can't just do that! What is there to record? The total amount of Akuma the Earl creates a day? The picture of glee on the Earl's face as he learns of another exorcist's death? Can't you record that without being there?" The parasitic exorcist was yelling, his expression that of disgust, disbelief and fear all at once._

_Lavi's own expression remained impassive, "There are things we do not know about the Noah and the Earl. I could collect this information."_

_Allen watched Lavi in horror. He could feel a fearful rage burning up inside of him and unleashed it on the older teen._

"_You'd be fighting against the order! You may not consider us as friends, but we consider YOU as a friend! Do you think we WANT to fight against a comrade?" Tears of frustration found their way out of the exorcist's eyes, not that he noticed, "I've got a Noah inside of my head that I am terrified of! I'm terrified that it is going to escape and kill those that I hold close! How do you think it would feel to face someone that I consider to be a close friend as an enemy in my own mind?" He was panting shakily from the outburst._

_Lavi had turned to him and watched the boy become more and more frustrated; his expression finally showing emotion: shock. The red-head bit his lip and turned away._

_Allen clenched his hands and let out a cry, falling to his knees and slamming his fists on the ground, "I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT AGAINST YOU, LAVI!"_

_He shook with tears that flowed over his cheeks and marked the ground, soft sobs escaped his lips as a scene of him facing Lavi the both of them fighting with the intention of killing the other played itself in his head again and again. He looked up only when warmth suddenly enveloped him._

_Lavi held the young exorcist tightly, squeezing his eye shut, "This is why I should be leaving.. I can't bear to see anyone get hurt, can't bear to see them cry.. I've seen so many people dying in wars spread throughout my lifetime... but somehow this war is affecting me the most.. I'm starting to feel.."_

Allen pulled his fingers from the piano's ivory keys and clenched them. The Noah had ruined him. He wasn't scared of them, no; he'd never be scared of them. He was _terrified_ of them. Yet they constantly beat down onto his head and played with his thoughts joyfully, enjoying the torment they caused the young exorcist. They continuously influenced conversation and provoked dangerous thoughts like they had done with Lavi that day, yet he felt that no-one understood just how much fear he held. Most, he thought, would describe it as hatred and he would admit that he did despise the Noah clan, but behind the mask of hatred stood pure fear. Why wouldn't they stop tormenting him?

He stared down at the keys with a saddened frown and a bitter dislike flooded over him. Never before had the exorcist been able to play the piano; he'd never so much as touched the instrument before, yet he was playing almost fluently.

The melody he played was one he had never heard before, yet simply flowed into his mind like a long lost memory with a bittersweet voice singing softly each time he played the melody. He could recite the lyrics as well as he could play the song now.

Allen found both abilities unnerving and it worried him to an alarming extent. The reason he could do this he knew by heart: the fourteenth was showing him how to play through the fourteenth's memories.

In every ounce of honesty this thought also scared him. He was connected to a Noah and he had already been told that one day said Noah would consume his body and be reborn. It had been his master, Cross Marian, who had grimly told him that when this happened, he would have to kill those he loved and it had been **that** which had spiked the fear.

Allen brought his gaze down to his clenched fist and tightened it.

No.

He wasn't connected to the fourteenth – he _was_ the fourteenth. The fourteenth's mind was living in his own, waiting and growing stronger as the days strained past his eyes and Allen could feel it. The stodgy figure that grinned down at him from his own reflection seemed to improve in aura every time Allen looked. Every day the blank white eyed stare grew more and more intense and the exorcist refused to look any more. He avoided windows and mirrors like a cat would avoid water and unknowingly, he started to isolate himself.

It was his fear that kept him isolated. The white-haired teen spent a lot of time in the ark; always by the piano and on occasion he would play it. It became a source of sanctuary for him as Allen grew more and more wary of the fourteenth's increasing strength. He didn't want to hurt anybody.

He hated the fact that the Noah was consuming him slowly and that he would eventually become one of them. Against the Order; against those he had fought so desperately to protect.

This was why he had been so greatly shaken when Lavi had confessed his thoughts of leaving the order to do exactly that. Lavi didn't leave in the end. Allen was glad he had at least convinced him to stay, even if the goofy personality appeared so much more unreal afterwards. But Allen respected that, after all Lavi was a Bookman and wasn't allowed to feel emotion, otherwise he would become biased. But the very thought of Lavi leaving for the Noah's side had shaken him and the cruel smile that stared back at him through windows and mirrors had never seemed so mocking before.

He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut.

He hated the fourteenth. Hated him. The wrath he felt towards the Noah peaked with that particular 'super-human'. Yet in the end it would be inevitable; the fourteenth would kill him. He found it ironic, suddenly thinking as he half opened his eyes and leant back on his hands which he placed behind him on the piano stool. He found it ironic that he was doomed to die early from his innocence type and the fourteenth was going to kill him very soon.

He smiled sadly to Timcanpy who fluttered above his head, "Doomed from the start, Timcanpy... and to think.. I may not even make my eighteenth birthday.." Allen's attempt at humour was lost even to himself and his dejected eyes began to droop.

The golem looked alarmed as his master closed his eyes and swayed.

Allen often fell asleep in the piano room, often lulled into his dreams by his own musings, but being quite unstable in his position; Timcanpy could see the accident happening already. His master would fall backwards onto his head, knocking over the stool and maybe even bashing his legs against the underside of the piano as an added measure. The teen would suffer from concussion and a badly bruised leg and all because of an ill-timed spell of drowsiness. Tim landed on the piano's smooth lid and cowered behind a wing, waiting for the impact.

When the crash didn't appear, he looked out from behind the metal and stiffened in alarm.

Allen's eyes glittered with a golden hue. His forehead was lined with faint black scars and a grey tint began to slowly spread across his skin from the cursed pentacle hidden by his snow white bangs.

The boy's eyes glittered in the white light emitted from the long window to the side of the piano room; the emotion within them being soft and gentle fascination. They were wide and slowly traced the room as though he had never before set eyes upon it. His mouth was open ever so slightly and face was soft, void of anything but mild wonder. Slowly, daintily, he raised a hand above his head and gently turned it over; twisting it whilst carefully flexing the fingers. He watched his hands doing this with a sort of grace and childish fascination.

Allen then delicately stood and reached up towards the white ceiling before looking down at his legs in astonishment. He smoothly stepped from the stool and stood to a clear space in the room, a flash of amazement gracing his face. It looked to anyone like the boy was amazed that he could walk without falling over – the truth being that he was.

The British exorcist took a step forward then began to spin gracefully in the space. He closed his eyes blissfully, content now being the emotion radiating from him.

Timcanpy wobbled slightly, feeling dizzy after watching the boy spin for so long. He managed to pull himself together, however, when the exorcist began to speak.

"Oh, this feels so strange~!" His voice was incredibly soft, much softer than usual and was spoken like an eerie song, "Yet familiar.. I have indeed missed to feel the air upon my skin, dear Tim~!" He ceased spinning and giggled. The giggle was fluid and soothing with a hinted echo, "My artistic gene shows, I rhyme for you little golem." He giggled again, after smiling calmly at the golden ball.

"It does seem that young Allen has slipped from his consciousness and I have been given some time to explore~!" Glee sounded and the boy nearly skipped across to the door, "I have seen much of the order, but dear Allen is reluctant to tell me anything about it.. I wonder if I can find a tour guide~?" The song-like voice chuckled, this too sounding fluid and smooth, and made its way to the exit of the Ark. Timcanpy gathered himself together and darted after the Noah, catching him in mid-sentence.

"..conceal myself a little, I can communicate better with everybody?" He mused, glancing at his grey skin. The exorcists knew of the Noah and weren't too friendly and should he be recognized too early; they would surely cut down his fun and lock him up somewhere. _Well_, he thought, _if they could stay alive long enough to do so._

The fourteenth closed his eyes and slowly, the grey tint contracted into the bright scar on his brow, Allen's pale and scarred skin now covering his body once more.

The grey scars did not fade and, as Tim saw when the sixteen-year-old re-opened his eyes; neither did the golden colour of the young one's irises. This however did not appear to faze the Noah as he smiled joyfully and continued to pad down the whitewashed street with a cat-like air to him, to a very familiar door to Tim and Allen. Normally it was surrounded with litter from the enormous quantities of food that the parasitic exorcist ate, but recently Allen had found himself to be losing his appetite rapidly and only forced himself to eat at meal times, knowing that failing to do so would surely kill him. So the stacks of empty plates and bowls and towers of empty crisp packets, sweet wrappers and mitarashi dango sticks had vanished after a very disgruntled Howard Link had cleared the mess up for him.

With a flutter of excitement in his stomach, the fourteenth stepped out from the Ark and into the Order.

His foot touched the metal grilled staircase and a shiver ran down his spine – he couldn't help but smile. He climbed down the steps with silent grace and left the room as a ghost. Nobody so much as glanced across at him and he doubted that they even knew he had left the Ark which delighted him further. The longer he could last without anybody acknowledging him, the longer he would be able to explore. He kept his excitement as a delighted smile on his host's face and brightly left the laboratory.

He felt similar to a child and could feel an ache inside him that pushed him to want to explore the huge castle before him at a rapid speed. He could imagine himself running through corridors, poking his head through doors and looking at everything with wild fascination showing clearly on his young face.

His happiness was increased as he sensed Allen's unconscious mind still lying dormant somewhere in the dark recesses of their shared mind. Not only was he undetected in his adventure by his host **and **other members of the order, but he was confident that he could keep the boy under control should he wake up. He had not had such time to be free in so many long years and there was nothing that would stop him from enjoying it.

A dark thought dared to cross his mind and for a second his eyes blanked and smile widened to become an expression of malice and dark mischief.

The more he learnt about the Order's people and environment whilst undetected... the easier it would be to destroy it later.


	2. Into The Unknown

**DEGAUSSER**

Degausser – D. Gray Man Fanfic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Rating: T

Note: Thankyou to my reviewers and readers! Here is chapter two, I hope you enjoy! Lyrics belong to Brand New.

* * *

_**DEGAUSSER CHAPTER 2: Into the Unknown**_

_"Well, take apart your head  
And I wish I could inspire"  
_

Lenalee placed the last of the mugs onto her tray and picked the items up carefully. The smell of coffee was strong enough to wake her up without needing to drink the dark coloured beverage and this she guessed was a benefit. She didn't like the idea of coffee staining her teeth yellow due to over-consumption. Yet standing over a tray of freshly brewed coffee each morning as she completed her rounds to the science department, her brother and any other exorcist that she knew would accept and enjoy the small gift gave the same effect as it would had she drank her own mug full.

Though on occasion; to actually drink a mug of her own coffee was a small relief.

She tapped the base of the door with her foot and it swung open for her, so she slipped out and left for the Ark-investigation room first. The door slowly closed again behind her.

The scientists working there had a hard job these days. They were constantly researching and doing tests on the strange device and often worked late into the night then started working again at very early hours of the morning. She also knew many of them had stayed awake all night on many occasions. The offering of a well-brewed coffee was all she could offer as a thank you for all of their hard work.

She had grown used to swiftly moving across floors and down flights of stairs over the years so she could get the coffee to everyone without it growing cold. Only one or two minutes passed before she stepped briskly into the corridor heavily signposted with 'Science Department only' and 'Do Not Disturb'. Naturally she ignored such signs, knowing she would be welcomed as many other exorcists were.

Thinking briefly of the exorcists, her mind settled upon Allen. He often went inside the Ark with no reason but to sit quietly to himself and occasionally play the piano. He played beautifully, but the melancholic melody never failed to sadden her whenever she heard it. Occasionally she would hear Allen's soft voice singing through the halls and it pierced her heart like a brutal knife. She hated to see Allen so sad and suffering and she hated the other for not letting her help to soothe the pain. She hated that he appeared to be too stubborn to see that because _he_ was suffering, everyone else was. She knew that really he didn't mean to do it, but he couldn't bring himself to smile without a lie anymore.

It startled her then to see said white-haired exorcist emerging from the laboratory with a child-like eager smile upon his face. His eyes were closed, increasing the size of the smile and she felt her eyebrows shoot up in almost utter disbelief.

"A-Allen-kun?" She called, finding her tongue as the boy neared her.

"Oh, good morning, Lenalee~!" Allen said brightly, his smile never leaving him and eyes still closed in what looked like ecstasy.

"You're awfully happy this morning, would you like some coffee?" She commented, holding out a mug to the boy. She always prepared him some coffee and left it by the Ark's entrance each day, but whenever she made the second round to collect the empty mugs; his was always untouched. She would never mention it to him but it saddened her to think that small gestures like that were going unnoticed.

Allen shook his head, still brightly smiling, "No thankyou~! But thankyou very much for the offer~!" His voice was almost too happy and it made her frown. She hated to frown at such a real and delightful smile, but it was very unlike Allen to be like this at the moment.

Without her realising, the younger exorcist had brushed past her and was heading in the direction of the staircase. She bit her lip and called out to him again, meaning to ask why he was so happy. However when the other turned and smiled at her she couldn't bring herself to do so. She could cast a cloud of misery back onto the young boy and she really didn't want to do that - even if it did seem like too much to be true. A brief thought that perhaps the Science Department had slipped him something flickered in her mind but she quickly pushed the idea aside and chose to believe that he was happy for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. His smile was another factor that kept her train of thought clear of Science Department mischief; it was pure and true. Not fake.

Instead she found another feature to talk about briefly, "Allen-kun, you have some dirt on your forehead." She told him brightly.

The boy briefly opened his eyes and blinked then closed them again with the smile, "Oh~! Thankyou for noticing~! I'll go and clean it up~!" he answered, turning and climbing the stairs with a wave.

Lenalee stood watching until the other exorcist climbed out of her view. Now that she really thought about it, it really was too good to be true. Something just wasn't right.. Had it not been for Timcanpy floating beside the boy's head, the girl would have thought that the white-haired boy was an identical twin with the exact opposite personality, save for the politeness.

She returned Allen's mug to the tray and turned to continue giving out the rest of the coffee. She would need to confront Allen about the sudden change, as much as she hated the desire to rain down on his happy mood.

My, she hated a lot that morning.

* * *

Having smelt the overpowering scent of coffee, the fourteenth had suspected that someone was about to walk past him before they saw _him_. It gave him the ability to keep a smile attached to his face that was indeed genuine, but also hiding a thick grimace at the stink of the steaming liquid. He never would understand how anybody could enjoy such a horrible beverage and he knew for a fact that his host liked it.

He turned to face the new arrival in the corridor as she called out to Allen, being sure to wear a wide smile that made him squint or close his eyes. The colour would surely raise huge suspicions.

The girl herself he could recognize through her voice. It was his host's first friend in the Black Order: Lenalee Li. She carried with her what smelt like a whole tray of coffee and it was taking a great deal of his control not to lose the smile and gag instead. He needed to act like Allen.

He returned her greeting with a polite attitude and ignored her next comment. He knew Allen wouldn't be the happiest of exorcists at the present time so perhaps he wouldn't have a delighted smile plastered to his face but he was far too happy to tone the expression down. Instead he focused on the second half of her speech. "Would you like some coffee?" It was accompanied with a strong focused burst of coffee and there was no way in the Noah's Ark that he could take the steaming cup from her. "No thankyou~!" he insisted, resisting the urge to throw the liquid over her head, "But thankyou very much for the offer~!" he added quickly so to keep up his appearance's good manners.

Sneaking a squinted glance at the girl he found Lenalee looking distracted so he hurried past the female, gulping in air that didn't hang groggily with the stink of coffee.

"Allen-kun!" The fourteenth's hand twitched with annoyance and his entire mind screamed at the girl but he smiled on the outside; keeping up appearances. He turned towards her voice wordlessly, his expression not having changed but he could feel himself straining to keep up the façade. Perhaps a smile wasn't the best idea for the strain to keep it so wide and looking genuine was beginning to hurt.

What she said caught him off-guard and he lost the smile immediately, blinking in surprise, "Allen-kun, you have some dirt on your forehead." Then remembered the issue of his eye colour and smiled his wide smile once again, closing his eyes to increase the happy look of the smile. Thankfully she appeared not to have noticed.

"Oh~!" he began, searching for something to say. He would need to check the marks that Lenalee claimed to see as he had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what they were; the stigmata. To prevent her from seeing any more of the markings he rubbed them with a gloved hand.

"Thankyou for noticing~! I'll go and clean it up~!" He turned quickly to the stairs with a wave, hoping that the gesture was something that Allen would do. His smile dropped and eyes peeled open upon his first step. He felt disgruntled and annoyed that the girl had cast a cloud on his excitement and all he could feel now was agitation. Sneering at the mental image of the Lenalee, he hurried towards the bathroom using what he could of his host's memories to guide him there. He needed to get a close look at those marks.

* * *

The fourteenth lifted the soft white bangs above his forehead and studied the markings etched across it. The thin crosses were faded grey in colour and looked old compared to the stigmata worn by the Noah Allen had seen. Such stigmata marks stood proudly across their brows and their eyes shone gold. The fourteenth grinned to himself as he found his own eyes in the mirror. His didn't just shine, they were aglow with a brilliant golden hue and they were better than any of the other Noah's eyes.

He stepped back from the mirror and turned the silver tap to let water run then cupped his hands to catch the water and brought the liquid to Allen's face calmly; the feeling of the ice-cold fluid refreshing his senses.

He picked up a small hand towel beside the basin and dried his host's skin. It saddened him to think that he wasn't washing his own face, but he brightened again at the counter thought that everything he did felt real enough to be his own. He brought the towel down and looked across at his reflection. He smiled happily and couldn't help but laugh, "There now, isn't that much better than a frown~?" he chimed.

He had stared at Allen through countless windows and mirrors and found the young exorcist always had a sad or lost look upon his pale face and compared to the bright smile the fourteenth was making him wear currently; it almost made him look ugly. A smile could bring out the handsome boy he was, yet Allen seemed unable to find it in himself to smile.

The fourteenth knew it was his own fault, but it really wasn't fair in his eyes. He was practically the boy's uncle and Allen feared him greatly, enough to despise him which was very out of character for the young exorcist. It was unfair that Allen hated him! Whatever had he done to the exorcist to deserve such hatred? He'd helped to save his friends after all! Had it not been for him even Allen would have perished inside the Ark, not just Kanda, Lavi, Chaoji and Krory. It really was quite bizarre.

Shrugging at the thought the fourteenth left the bathroom, "I do hope you can hear me, dear Allen. I do think you should consider what I am saying." He almost sang his words in delightful song, finding himself holding back the urge to skip along the corridor.

He felt so free and so relaxed! He really was enjoying himself and in truth he had the white-haired boy to thank as had he not fallen into a deep and confused sleep the Noah would never have managed to gain such easy control.

He found a long window and paused beside it to stare into it. He could no longer see himself in it, but the smile he wore contorted into that of a Noah in his reflection and his golden eyes shone brilliant white as they had done in his earlier days inside Allen's mind.

"It's really quite charming~!" He decided happily, continuing down the corridor with light and bouncy steps. For a reason unbeknownst to him, the fourteenth really liked to speak. He loved the feeling of the words flowing from his throat and hearing them in his own ears. It was quite the forgotten experience and he quite enjoyed it.

He brought himself to an elegant pause, knitted his eyebrows into a light frown and bit his lip softly. He forgot his reasoning for a moment and chewed the lip gently. The feeling was so strange and he almost began to laugh. It had been such a long time ago that he had bitten his lip, washed his face or even walked and he felt surprised that he had forgotten most of these senses.

The fourteenth shook his head and returned to the reason that he had stopped in the first place. He was lost. Allen had a habit of getting lost and these days he rarely looked around well enough to memorize any corridors or workrooms so the fourteenth also had trouble trying to locate anything. He needed someone to show him around and show him where everything was.

Unfortunately it didn't feel as though anyone would do that willingly.

Everyone would be concerned if Allen turned up asking where to find the library as an example and would therefore find out immediately who he was. He sighed with irritation. He'd just have to find a map or create a mental one by wandering around headquarters for the rest of the day. He couldn't see it being too difficult. It was like an adventure!

He smiled brightly and bounded up to a door on his right.

The first step into his self-made map of the Black Order would begin here; he decided and grasped the cool handle. He felt a tingle of excitement and giggled like a child before biting his lip and opening the door. He poked his head inside and gasped in awe at the sight before him. The room was enormous! Thick stone rose up in four high walls, each supported with tall columns that rivalled the height of the old church spire in the old village from his childhood. Across the room were no less than twenty long, oblong wooden tables with oak benches lying beside them and at the centre of the wall furthest from him opened a wide window from which various clanging and sizzling was heard. A wave of smells brushed against him and for a second, even he was tempted to try a bite or two despite the fact that moments ago he really could not have cared less about consuming anything but the mind of dear little Allen.

The cafeteria was a delightful start to his self-guided tour and left him hungry for more. The thought here passed through his mind and he chuckled merrily to himself at the little play on words he had created.

He closed the door gently and felt his excitement escalate as immediately he was met with a staircase. He let his lips curve into a grin and almost skipped up them gleefully. Like the walls around him, the steps were made of grey but smooth stone and his footsteps made soft slapping noises each time he brought his foot down.

Reaching the top of the stairs in a rather giddy state, the fourteenth jumped out into the middle of another empty corridor and twisted his body from left to right then completed a full rotation and decided to go left. His choice was not one that disappointed him as almost immediately he came across a second door. He took the handle once again and swung it open; revealing a very untidy room which he had to guess was a bedroom.

The bed itself was lost underneath stacks of both tattered and shiny books; crisp and slightly crumpled files; and assorted paper to make it look like every other piece of furniture in the room. He was amazed to find a piece of the floor underneath the infinite hoard of information stacked up into mountains around the small space. Even more amazed to find a body lying across said floor.

At his first glance he thought the other male was dead, but after his golden eyes flickered over to the teenager's chest and found it rising and falling steadily he understood that the other was sleeping.

The fourteenth brought his gloved hand to his chin thoughtfully and leaned against the door frame. He let his eyelids droop as he searched his nephew's memories for a name and identity of the body lying in blissful unconsciousness before him. He thought that it may be fun to wake up the sleeping boy, but should he be an undesirable playmate the Noah wasn't too fond of the idea of awakening an enemy so soon into his free time.

Finally he came across a small profile and after peering into it his eyes snapped open and he grinned widely down at the teen. He was perfect.

Maybe even tour guide material.


	3. Alseep in the Alkaline

**DEGAUSSER**

Degausser – D. Gray Man Fanfic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Rating: T

**_Note: _**Finally a new chapter eh? Well this has been sitting waiting for attention and has been getting quite a bit recently as new ideas have evolved and I'm pretty excited for later chapters. :D Hope you enjoy chapter 3!

_**Disclaimer: **_I own no characters or settings portrayed in this piece. Lyrics belong to Brand New.

* * *

_**DEGAUSSER CHAPTER 3: Asleep in the Alkaline  
**_

_"You're brought back but you're running  
I'm left asleep in the alkaline"_

He was drifting. Slowly and steadily on a raft made of curiously sturdy scrolls tied together with long red ribbons. It was bizarre but he decided not to question the logistics of the raft in case it decided to listen to him and suddenly capsize. Besides, he was peaceful. He had no idea where he was, he only knew that he was surrounded by miles of open water; clear and glistening with feathered quills darting through the sea occasionally like thin fish, which was also quite odd but again he decided against questioning it. He didn't want them jumping out of the water and attacking him out of mirth at him threatening their existence with means of science. Instead he watched the bright blue sky and lazy drifting clouds and breathed slowly, relaxed. He saw the occasional book flap it's pages as a bird would it's wings and make it's way across his line of vision, also enjoying the golden sunlight...

There were a lot of odd things that day.

His fingers hung from his hand which was draped over the side of his raft and cool water lapped at them playfully as it did to the side of the scrolls. There was no mast on his precarious raft, so there was no sail. Wherever he was going it was being controlled entirely by the currents beneath him, but that didn't really bother him: there was no wind anyway.

His eyes began to droop and a spell of drowsiness washed over him. He yawned widely and blinked blearily, unable to focus on anything in particular, nothing but the glare from the sunlight on the water and the black shadow looming over him..

Within a second he sobered up and sat bolt upright. He turned to face the shadow slowly and with a wide eye he stared at a towering wave dumbly. Almost comically, it lingered over him for a second before it came crashing down on top of him. It destroyed his raft and sent him plunging into the cold water. He coughed and spluttered, rolling around and flailing his arms about wildly. He tried to escape the wave desperately before stopping suddenly; realizing an important new factor... there was no wave to escape from.

His eye cracked open and slowly widened so he could examine where he was.

Surrounded by books, scrolls, old newspapers and stone; there was only one place he could be and that was his room. Lavi brought a hand to his head, memories flooding back to reveal where he was. He had been reading through old newspaper cuttings for the Old Man and must have fallen asleep somewhere whilst doing that. He rubbed at his eye with his thumb and index finger then stopped... why was he wet? He sat up quickly and searched around himself.

"It worked~! You're awake~!" Ah.

His emerald eye came to rest upon his snow-haired companion with a hint of annoyance. The younger was still clutching the glass which had undoubtedly been holding the water now leaking through his scarlet hair. He sighed and flopped back onto the floor.

"Allen.." he whined, "Why'd you wake me? You'd better have a good reason.." A childish giggle was his reply. He turned his head back to Allen, slightly concerned.

"I wanted a tour guide. I thought you'd probably be the best person for the job~!" Allen explained. His smile was everlasting, wide and sweet, so wide in fact that he closed his eyes. Something.. wasn't right. It could have been anything and whatever it was, it had brought Allen out of the Ark and had him smiling like a child on Christmas day. Although it should really have been a good thing, it really was too strange for Allen at the time.

He frowned, sitting up. "Allen what are you talking about? You know your way around headquarters just as well as I do by now. You don't need a tour guide."

Allen shook his head and the smile receded slightly, "I'm afraid I don't really know too much, you see..." he opened his eyes and Lavi couldn't help but pull away from the other exorcist with wide eyes. Golden irises glinted back at him with hidden mischief and a murderous intent set behind them, "..I don't really have much memory of the place."

"Allen.. what have you done..?" Lavi breathed, unable to rip his gaze away from the enemy's eyes staring straight back at him.

"Oh, I'm not Allen." 'Allen' chimed sweetly, "My name is Neah, or as you may know me: the 14th Noah." Lavi's fist automatically clenched and he gritted his teeth.

"Let Allen go, whatever you're doing stop it. I don't want to be forced to hurt you." he warned with a dark tone of voice.

Neah simply chuckled at the threat. Each time he did so his eyes closed and when they re-opened, their glowing intensity seemed to increase as though the being within Allen was growing stronger with each laugh. His eyes settled on the scarlet haired exorcist calmly, "Oh, but you wouldn't hurt me, would you? You'd be hurting Allen, and I don't think you really want to do that."

Lavi's teeth gritted in annoyance. He couldn't even make effective threats around the Noah! It seemed like he'd thought this through. Yet Lavi couldn't help but feel the whole ordeal was riddled with mistakes. One thing to confirm this conclusion was the fact that he hadn't tried to conceal the fact that he had control over Allen's body. Surely he'd thought that Lavi could refuse the offer and run away to tell the Order that the 14th was loose. Komui would order a lock down and capture Allen, effectively capturing the 14th putting an end to any of his plans instantly. More confusion came to mind when he mentally questioned the Noah's motives with coming to him. It was almost certain that Lavi was the first person Neah had come to visit, otherwise he wouldn't have asked for a tour. If he'd seen anybody else they had obviously been silenced or hadn't noticed that something else was inhabiting Allen's mind. What was special about him? Surely he could have gone to someone like Lenalee or Miranda who would both be more likely to sympathize with the 14th, or even Allen, than he was.

"Why me?" he voiced in a low tone. He didn't look at Allen, worried that the golden eyes he now possessed would distract him and distort any kind of decision he would make. He already despised those eyes -he didn't need another reminder. They were the same as those of a Noah but more specifically; those of the Noah, Tyki Mikk. It wasn't too long ago that the Noah of Pleasure had forced him to believe that Allen was dead. He had been attacked in an attempt to rescue the Exorcist Suman Dark but had unfortunately failed in doing so. Tyki's carnivorous butterflies had eaten the man from the inside out and bred within his body.. just like with the Exorcist Daisya Barry and the General Kevin Yeegar. Tyki then proceeded to destroy Allen's innocence by breaking and tearing off his arm. A lot of what had been done after that was an enigma to most as Allen had been reluctant to share too much information for fear of terrifying everyone. He had proved his ability to scare his friends this way when he had accidentally revealed that Tyki had used one of his butterflies and his ability to move through anything at will to create a hole inside the younger boy's heart. The only thing keeping Allen alive was his innocence which had covered up the hole. But at the time Timcanpy had only recorded the beginning of the horrendous act and to this day those images and those screams of the younger exorcist still haunted him. He could clearly see the golden eyes of the Noah within those memories and to see them staring out at him from Allen's body angered him beyond reason.

"Well you see, " the 14th began, referring to Lavi's previous question, "considering you are a Bookman, or Bookman in training, you should have very few problems with me." he explained, pulling his legs from his kneeled position to sit cross-legged. He sat with his back straight as a ruler like a school child and unconsciously Lavi also straightened to maintain some sort of height difference and, he hoped, control over the situation.

"What gave you that idea?" Lavi asked, watching the other's boot so he didn't have to look into his eyes.

"Well.. you're not supposed to have opinions." Lavi stiffened; he could already see where this was going. "You're supposed to simply record things in an unbiased fashion, so it really shouldn't matter what you do or who you talk to. As an added incentive - this could count as a study of the Musician~! So since you aren't protecting anyone, nor are you giving out horrendous secrets.. there shouldn't be any problem with you giving me a tour." Lavi shook his head and adjusted his eyepatch lightly, a wave of light relief washing over him as he counted out the flaws in the 14th's reasoning.

"See you already do have a problem there. If I am unbiased and am only recording this war, there is no incentive for me to help you." he said confidently. He saw the Noah's smile waver out of the corner of his eye, so he continued, "I don't have to help you, I shouldn't help you either. Showing you Headquarters is in fact showing you a secret as no Noah have seen this new building yet, therefore it is secret of which I am not entitled to share with anyone."

Neah's face soured, "I can make you.." he threatened, earning a slight raise of an eyebrow from Lavi. "If you don't help me I'll start destroying Allen's body.." Lavi felt the golden eyes burning into him and he sighed, feeling the previous relief slowly turning into anxiety once again.

He shook his head again, "You've said it yourself.. I shouldn't.. and don't care.." He swallowed thickly. He knew full well this was a lie and it was this that was worrying the Panda, but he'd have to learn to live with it for now. Lavi would still make records and read through countless pages of history with the old man, but he'd also care for his friends. When he wrote it would be unbiased, but it wouldn't stop him caring and despising.

Movement caught him off guard and he turned his head to see the white head of his friend shaking from side to side, "No.." he said quietly, "No!" His voice raised and he grabbed Lavi by the collar, "No, you care for him! I know you do!" he cried, desperately. "I know you care, I can see it! You're just using everything you can against me!" the boy declared. He was bordering on hysterical and it made Lavi's eyes widen in surprise. He took hold of Allen's hands and threw the younger from him. He caught a glimpse of the Noah's strength with it and deduced that he wasn't strong at all. Could this be an advantage?

"I'm not giving you a tour and I won't change my mind." he said icily, watching as the boy before him began to shake with what he guessed was frustration..

Neah felt the cold stone through Allen's clothing and shivered for a second. His happy mood had depleted rapidly and he could feel himself falling into desperation. His plan wasn't working as he had hoped; it was failing miserably.

The Junior Bookman was far too witty for him, despite having just woken up and his refusal was sending him spiraling into a buzz of questions that attacked his mind and began to form a headache. He heard the red head speak but what he had said was lost amongst the many thoughts cluttering his head.

His threats weren't working like they should have been. That was the first problem. He had been almost certain that the young Bookman cared enough about Allen to prevent any unnecessary harm coming to him.. he'd seen them fight together. Both Allen and Lavi fought side by side frequently in battles and worked hard to defend each other and often leapt into the path of a bullet or stream of dark energy to slice it in half or shield the other.. so why was Lavi not leaping to Allen's rescue now? He began to shake lightly in frustration and despair. He wasn't scared, he was just confused and very angry with Lavi. The thought of killing him flashed through his mind but he quickly pushed that away.

Now was not the time.

He pushed himself up into a seated position and turned back to look at the red haired human. Allen's body was beginning to feel heavy and lifting it was getting more difficult - the strain of keeping up the concentration exhausting him. He'd have to fall back into Allen's mind soon to recover and he blamed this on Lavi. Had he simply agreed to show him around Headquarters, Neah would have been satisfied and would have willingly let Allen take control again, but since he had refused Neah's calm air was in danger of shattering and he was very reluctant to let the boy gain control again, doing more harm to the both of them than the ordeal should have done.

What was worse was that as soon as the 14th did release control, Lavi would tell Allen everything and they would work towards a plan to halt Neah in his tracks and thwart his own plans. Already he was regretting his decision to wake up the junior Bookman.

There had to be some way to stop him..

"There's nothing to say you can't go off and explore on your own.." Neah widened Allen's loaned eyes at the thought. He was staring at the ground but had little intention to look up just yet. He was thinking. He didn't want to reveal this to him just yet.

Lavi wouldn't stop him exploring anyway? Well he wasn't necessarily posing as a threat and Lavi wasn't showing him anything.. so yes.. there was logic behind that. A compromise for the both of them.. "But there's also no stopping me telling anyone if they ask!" He bit his lip. He would have to silence Lavi somehow. He could cut out his tongue but that would be ineffective as the red head could write anyway. He knitted his host's white brows into a frown as he thought.

Then it snapped.

"You won't tell anyone about me.."

"I will if they ask." Lavi told him again. Neah shook Allen's head, lifting it slowly as he did so with a smile playing on his lips.

"No.. Lavi you won't tell anyone about me because doing so is interfering with the course of the war and you have already told me that you shouldn't do that." He studied Lavi's face and found a flash of panic slip through his mask of indifference and this built up his confidence. A small smirk tugged at his lips. "You've already interfered enough by joining in as an Exorcist.. " he added for good measure. It worked and Lavi's confidence in his shoulders and eye dropped drastically. Neah kept his eyes trained on the other male and watched him twitch in discomfort and argue with himself over whether or not he should listen to the 14th.

"I.." Lavi began, not quite concentrating as of yet, "I can.. I have to.." he sighed lightly and his eye focused to glare at the floor. It was interesting to note that Lavi couldn't make eye contact with him but he knew it wasn't fear. It was something else, perhaps an emotion he wasn't supposed to have but no matter: it all worked to Neah's advantage in the end. "I'll need to consult with Bookman before I can say anything for certain." Lavi told him, but much hope had drained from his voice. The 14th had triumphed. A giddy feeling started to spread through his stomach once again and he decided to go ahead and begin his tour before Lavi could find out something from the old man that could hold him off.

Then the feeling stopped. Instead dread began to fill his body as he felt a second presence looming inside his head. It was confused but drowsy.

Allen was awakening.

The 14th growled inwardly and got to his feet unsteadily. The body felt heavy and weak and his head was beginning to pound. Nevertheless, he glared down at Lavi and met his eye for the first time. The red head was glued to his golden eyes and he saw worry flicker through his eye, accompanied by hate. The hatred was an interesting emotion for the junior Bookman but Neah decided not to dwell on it for too long. He had a certain Nephew to deal with now.

"Until you have interviewed Bookman you will not speak a word of this, do we have a deal?" he barked, his stare unwavering. Grudgingly, Lavi nodded and the 14th broke the stare, satisfied.

He turned and gripped the door handle when a sudden spout of dizziness caught hold of his head. He could vaguely feel Allen's body swaying and heard Lavi's concerned voice calling to him but both the voice and body felt distant. It felt as though he was slowly floating away from them before he lost control completely.

Allen awoke to find himself swaying and unstable. His head felt like it would split and his entire body felt heavy as though he had walked for miles. His right hand gripped a door handle that Allen wasn't too sure he recognized and he let go of it.

Instantly he wished he hadn't as he felt himself loose balance and fall backwards.

He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the impact on the cold hard stone but opened them wide when he hit a warm and slightly damp body instead. He felt and saw familiar scarred, muscled arms grip his torso to steady him and gently lower him to the floor.

"Allen..?" Lavi peered into his eyes, a flicker of relief flitting through his own eye, "Are you okay?" he asked, masking the relief with concern.

"I'm fine.. just a huge headache.. why am I here?" Allen had suddenly come to the realization that he was in Lavi's bedroom despite the fact he had fallen asleep inside the Ark. He started to panic, looking around the room frantically to see if this was some sort of illusion created by the Ark or the 14th.

"Allen, calm down." Lavi told him cooly. He leant back, grinning goofily, "You were sleep walking and came into my room mumbling," his eye turned mischievous, "about Lenalee." Allen's eyes widened.

"What?"

"Oh Lenalee your hair is so fine, I'd love to stroke it.. mm I'd love to caress your boso-AH!" Lavi grabbed his now throbbing head but laughed anyway. Allen glared at him with daggers threatening to shoot out from his eyes and impale the red head.

"I did not say that." he said defiantly.

"How do you know? You were asleep!" Lavi replied cackling.

"Because I wouldn't say that!" Allen argued, eyes widening in frustration. The action made Lavi laugh even more and this only increased Allen's annoyance.

"Aww, Moyashi's getting worked up!"

"It's Allen!"

"Okay, Allen's getting worked up!"

"Oh shut up!" Allen turned his head away and glared at stone in the wall. He could hear Lavi still taunting him and decided not to rise to the bait. He was the mature one in this situation, Lavi was the child and he would let that remain. Not that he had to prove that to anyone; everyone already knew Lavi's personality.

"Lavi, if you're finished I'd like you to answer me seriously." he grumbled after another minute of Lavi chanting 'Allen likes Lenalee' over and over. Again, proving his point that Lavi was the child in the situation here. Thankfully, he did cease the chanting but he ignored Allen's question and grinned.

"I don't see you denying anything, Allen." he teased.

Allen sighed impatiently, "Yes, but I don't see me blushing and getting worked up about a silly taunt. Yes I do like Lenalee, she's a very good friend but romantically I am not interested. Now answer me, Lavi. How did I get here?"

"Allen, I've told you, you were sleep walking." Lavi repeated with a now more serious expression.

"Then why are you wet?"

"You scared me opening the door and I dropped my glass of water all over myself." Lavi told him, picking at the wet material clinging to his skin. He looked around the room to find a dry shirt and, locating one, pulled off the wet garment. "My yell of surprise probably woke you up." he reasoned, pulling the new shirt over his torso.

Allen watched him throw the damp one into a corner with a few other pieces of clothing probably destined to be washed when someone came to collect them. He felt uneasy about the answer. As real as it sounded through Lavi's voice, Allen couldn't fight the feeling that it was a cover up for something else. He didn't get a headache from sleepwalking.

He sighed lightly and nodded, "Maybe I should get something for this headache. Maybe I'm dehydrated.." he suggested, standing up carefully so he didn't fall over again. Lavi nodded and Allen turned to the door. He stepped out of it and into the corridor.

He'd get a glass of water from Jeryy and if that didn't work, he'd brave the Matron to see if she had any medicine for him to get rid of it.

Then he'd head back to the Ark. Same as always.


	4. Hurts my Head

**DEGAUSSER**

Degausser – D. Gray Man Fanfic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Rating: T

**_Note: _**I am incredibly sorry that this story has taken forever and a day to appear. Hopefully it's not been too grueling a wait and hopefully I deliver according to your expectations! Here is the new chapter~!

_**Disclaimer: **_I own no characters or settings portrayed in this piece. Lyrics belong to Brand New.

* * *

_**DEGAUSSER CHAPTER 4: Hurts my Head  
**_

_"__Well, take me - take me back to your bed  
I love you so much that it hurts my head__"_

Lavi sighed heavily, running his slender fingers through the mess of red hair. He couldn't help but feel a heavy stab at his heart seeing the younger exorcist trailing out of the door. He regretted that he had to admit it, but he hated lying to Allen. The boy was in a lot of trouble within himself and all Lavi could do was lie to him. It hurt more than it should have.

He rubbed his frowning forhead, getting incredibly annoyed at the sound of two voices now battling in his head for dominance over his thoughts. One voice preached about his alliegence with the Bookman clan - telling him with much vulgarity that he should 'leave Allen alone and get on with recording the war like he should' whilst the other screeched in protest, declaring that Allen was a good friend and deserved at least a little of Lavi's kindness, after all it _was_ due to Allen that Lavi was still alive and functioning at this point - the least Lavi could do was tell him the truth!

Lavi sighed. Right now the main thing he wanted was for the two voices to just stop talking. He ignored the both of them and used a mental hand to shove them into a dark recess of his mind to squabble between themselves. He imagined that later he would revisit the voices and find them to be a bloody mess splattered all over the walls of his mentlity. Or rather, that's what he hoped would happen. He could also imagine that Bookman would be rather displeased with his imaginings and that _he _would end up as the bloody mess on a wall of the order so he decided to stop before anything got any further from control.

Despite his anxieties, he needed to ask Bookman what he should do.

He was still technically in training and therefore still technically inclined to ask questions. However, he was also inclined to have hesitation to do so since many of the questions he asked resulted in a violent attack from the elderly, panda-like male and the demand that he figured out the answer for himself like any other good Bookman descendant would have done.

This was something he really hoped wouldn't happen this time. He was honestly completely confused and his own decision was the last thing he wanted to rely upon.

* * *

She was distracted. Incredibly distracted. She knew she was distracted because she never walked into people and more importantly, she never walked into Kanda. It was quite a novel experience and not one that she ever really wanted to have again.

"I-I'm sorry K-Kanda." She stood frozen, her eyes focusing on the glinting blade pointing at her nose just millimetres from the lightly tanned skin now paling with surprise. The man's cold black eyes glared at her down Mugen's dangerous blade, showing a malice she wasn't used to being directed at herself. At least not by Kanda himself. She suddenly felt a little like Allen under the samurai's ferocious gaze.

Triggered by the thought of the younger exorcist she fell from her terrified trance to ask Kanda about him.

"Kanda... have you seen Allen-kun?"

"Che." he said irritably, sheathing his weapon much to Lenalee's relief. "How the fuck should I know?" he snapped, irritated by something that Lenalee didn't really want to aggravate. She sighed softly instead and he turned away; taking the exhalation as a signal to leave.

"Thanks anyway, Kanda." she told him. He grunted and stalked back down the corridor as he had been before his interruption. She smiled weakly; she hadn't really expected anything more of the man, but she wished that he had at least seen Allen. It would have helped her reassure herself about the boy if nothing else.

She swept a rogue hair from her eyes and briskly set off down her intended path - before she had run into Kanda - toward the cafeteria. Thinking of Allen naturally made her think of the cafeteria and although with current circumstances the chance of the younger boy being there was slim; she thought that this was a good place to start at least. When she had seen him earlier he had looked happy enough, but she couldn't shake the feeling that he was hiding something. If she knew Allen at all, she knew that even with _his_ lying smile he couldn't switch from the lowest depression to practically hyperactive in a matter of seconds. No matter how much she wished for it. When she had seen him those two hours ago, he had been on his way to the bathroom but now had subsequently disappeared and thus her search was straight from the drawing board and the cafeteria was at the top of the list.

Her heels clipped the stone floor sharply, echoing in the corridor as she walked. The Order was always rather empty these days. Everyone had been told to expect new members to arrive to replace those lost during the last ferocious battle that had broken not only their home but the spirits of many members of the Black Order. The silence hung in the air gloomily with unashamed attempts to grasp its housemates and drag them too down into the messy glum fog. Naturally, Lenalee found it necessary to push this away defiantly and, as always, she carried a smile alongside what she liked to think was a fresh new hope that very soon things were going to get better. They were going to win. They were going to be free of the darkness.

She had hoped that bringing new members into the Order would have helped her to boost the morale of everyone already in there. She had hoped that by now she would be smiling with a new face and chatting animatedly about some kind of innocent topic, but unfortunately there were delays.

Allen's mind state had put use of the Ark out of commission because there was nobody else that could use the portal. The new members were travelling from various locations by train, boat or by foot and this long and tedious journey had been making everyone anxious. Without the safe and quick activity of the Ark, those travelling were at a tremendous risk of being attacked and here at the order itself, the team was weak in the science department. If an attack happened, especially if it involved a Level 4 Akuma, it was difficult to see a positive outcome.

The Vatican was furious, as to be expected. They had made various threats, including imprisonment, torture and even death upon Allen's behalf, but each had received the same blank and uncaring response from the younger exorcist. It was incredibly upsetting to think that a mere boy of 16 was facing the prospect of death without as much as a whisper of anxiety. She wished that there was some way to help him feel younger again but that was something of impossibility with _any_ exorcist. Nobody was young for long. No matter what their age told them.

She pushed open the cafeteria door half-heartedly and raised her head from its thoughtful lowered position expecting to see perhaps a few finders and maybe an exorcist or two. She wasn't really expecting to see Allen. She hoped that she would, but with a glance around at the room she found that he was not there.

"Excuse me.." Lenalee blinked, recognising the voice. She jumped to the side and her amethyst eyes, now wide from the sudden voice, fell onto the younger boy.

"A-Allen-kun!" She couldn't help but notice the difference in the snow-haired exorcist. His hair was less like snow and more like ice now, thin and shimmering with grease and mistreatment. It had grown to brush the tips of his shoulders and covered his mournful eyes. They too had faded to a dim and dark grey - they weren't the bright and metallic hue she remembered. The boy was suffering. "I was looking for you." she told him softly. He smiled at her briefly. She winced heavily – it was the fake smile she loathed.

"I'm fine, you don't have to look for me, Lenalee." he said quietly. She wondered if he had meant to be so soft-spoken.

"I do, Allen." she insisted. "I've been worried about you, I've hardly seen you at all in the past several days and now looking at you.. you're hardly the same person.." he turned his head away and stepped past her into the room muttering what sounded like 'I'm sorry.. please don't worry..' but it wasn't enough for her.

"Allen-kun!" She span to face him, "Please, Allen-kun let us help you! You don't have to suffer alone.. not when you have friends that love you and want to make you happy even in times of despair!" Allen stopped. She watched him wavering between turning and continuing forward and she would admit that she was relieved when his more gentlemanly side decided to be dominant. He turned - his eyes wide with appreciation and overwhelming affection. She would have smiled brightly and would have ran over to him and hugged him tightly, telling him everything was going to be okay and that he didn't have to fight alone, not anymore. But she didn't.

Her own eyes dilated and grew wide. Her body recoiled instinctively and she felt the innocence buzzing intently from within her boots. Allen's eyes were golden.

Noah.

She clenched her fists, "Leave Allen alone!" she said boldly. She tried not to show it, but she was terrified. The glowing eyes that haunted her dreams now stared out at her from her best friends' face and she had to force herself not to scream in horror. She remembered those eyes from her first encounter with a Noah. Road Kamelot. She had kidnapped Miranda and turned Lenalee into a lifeless doll then tortured Allen brutally. Even though her own personal encounter with the child Noah had been short-lived, the cold malice that shone from those irises relentlessly scared her.

Images of the curly-haired Noah, as Kanda so often called him, attacked her memory. Tyki Mikk had also tortured Allen only this time it was to destroy his innocence and he had very nearly done so. The sadistic glee that had danced in the male Noah's eyes whilst Allen screamed in agony as his arm was ripped from his shoulder had been horrific and too much for Lenalee to handle. She had refused to watch Timcanpy's recordings of the event because to her _that_ had been torturous.

Now those unforgiving eyes were planted into the poor exorcist's face and what really unnerved her was the fact that they looked like they belonged there.

She could feel herself trembling as she stared, tense and poised to attack, at the boy.

"That is such a beautiful thing to say~" She scowled, her eyes falling into mild confusion. She stood firm and just stared. "You feel so much for your friends... it is beautiful." he repeated softly.

"Thank you?" Lenalee said quietly, confused and bewildered. This wasn't what she was expecting from a Noah at all. There had to be some king of trick.

"Oh no, you don't have to thank me... it is your friends that should thank _you_." 'Allen' told her, smiling a soft smile. Lenalee opened her mouth to speak but the Noah spoke once again. "But they don't, do they." She closed her lips.

"They don't thank you for your concern and I know they don't because even Allen doesn't thank you for it. They all know you care about them but they push you away don't they? They tell you not to worry and that hurts you... I know it does. Why wouldn't it?"

Lenalee lost all power to speak and instead her words dissolved into tears that stung in the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to admit it but in ways the Noah was indeed correct. Her friends never wanted her help; they constantly told her not to worry and that they were feeling fine when it was clear that they weren't. She hated the fake smiles and insistence that nothing was wrong. Being in the Order for as long as she had had made her very good at reading the members of every division. The only exceptions were perhaps the Generals, but they were rarely seen in the Order anyway. The fact remained that she knew when they were lying to her. Sometimes, the frequency of this was constantly. Turning her head down and away from the Noah, she bit her lip.

"Why... they've reduced you to tears, haven't they." He reached out a gloved hand and Lenalee felt her body tense and she held her breath. He touched her chin and gently lifted her head back up to look at him and he smiled softly, using his thumb to wipe away a ghost tear. She shook her head and he dropped his hand.

"No!" she cried, "No, you're wrong! They just don't want me to be upset, that's why they tell me they are okay." she said firmly. 'Allen' looked surprised.

"Is that how you see it? Because... I have seen inside of Allen's head, Lenalee... what he feels is what I feel. He does not care whether you are upset or not." Lenalee shook her head, refusing to believe him – Allen wouldn't do that, it was a Noah trick. "You don't believe me? Well just think of the evidence yourself. When has he ever been truthful? When he tells you he is fine, is he ever telling the truth? Does he ever smile at you genuinely? I don't think he does. He just wants you to shut up." Lenalee felt her heart clench and she dropped to her knees, covering her ears. She couldn't hear any more. She didn't think she could take it. Tears found their way out of her eyes and soaked her thick lashes before trailing down her smooth cheeks and dripped down onto her bare knees. She shuddered with the suppression of the thick sobs that she wanted to expel but refused to.

She felt Allen's hand touching her shoulder and she flinched away from it. She sensed hesitation before a small draft of air beside her, telling her that Allen had knelt beside her. She heard his voice softly calling out to her and she gritted her teeth. He placed his hand tentatively on her shoulder once again and she snapped.

"No, leave me alone you monster!" she cried, slapping away his hand. She fixed a glare on the white-haired exorcist and her heart sank. She saw hurt. Desperate and completely hopeless hurt and she could almost see his heart breaking in the depths of his silvery eyes. He stood slowly and Lenalee reached out to him, "Allen, I... I didn't mean it, I thought you were-" Allen shook his head, smiling sadly.

"It's okay, Lenalee." Lenalee stared at him, she felt anger heating up her blood and flushing her face. She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists on her knees.

"No Allen... it's not okay, you should shout at me and tell me that." She said, her voice shivering.

"Lenalee.. I couldn't do that."

"Allen!" Her eyes narrowed, and his eyes widened nervously. He had a right, she supposed. She rarely shouted with anger but this time she had reason to, "Stop lying about how you feel! I know you're upset, so just tell me! Let it out, cry, anything! Please!" she stood to emphasise how open to the release of emotion she wanted him to give her. But instead he just smiled lightly.

"Lenalee... you didn't mean to say it." She hit him.

"Stop lying, Allen!" She turned and fled from him, hot tears pooling in her eyes as her anger flooded through her head. Allen stared after her, his silvery eyes still wide with shock and a hand placed lightly over a reddening mark on his pale cheek.

"I'm sorry... Lenalee..."


	5. Fire and Brimstone

**DEGAUSSER**

Degausser – D. Gray Man Fanfic

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Rating: T

**_Note: _**Yay~! New chapter! I apologize that this is relatively short compared to other chapters but this is sort of a necessary filler.

_**Disclaimer: **_I own no characters or settings portrayed in this piece. Lyrics belong to Brand New.

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_**DEGAUSSER CHAPTER 5: Fire and Brimstone  
**_

_"__When I arrive will God be waiting and pacing around his throne?  
__Will he feel a little Old Testament?  
__And will he celebrate with fire and brimstone?__"_

Lavi's head was pounding. This time it wasn't the sound of the multiple voices in there beating each other to a bloody pulp. No, this time it was because it had collided with a bookshelf rather painfully three times in the space of five minutes.

The first had been a punishment for his 'impertinent' behaviour which, truthfully, he could understand although he did think it was bordering on extreme abuse for such a tiny mistake. The second time was unexpected. Lavi had picked himself up and straightened out his jacket, mumbling apologies for forgetting to knock before coming into the room through gritted teeth. He had stepped forward and his world slipped upside down as a particularly glossy volume of an encyclopaedia slid from under his foot. He had crashed into the bookcase and sent an avalanche of books, scrolls and documents crashing down onto him.

He had sat dazed in the messy pile of books for a second before he heard the screech from his master.

"IDIOT! Look at what you did to my things!" Lavi could have known in his sleep what was going to come next. He had sat up to apologize but collided in the air with an angry foot of an old panda and had hit the bookcase for the third time. The case had shuddered and toppled on top of him.

Lavi felt ready to give up on life, succumb to the call of the books and just let them consume his battered body, but no; his body refused to die so trivially. He groaned and pushed the shelving from his body and rolled out of the mountain of information and glanced up at Bookman.

The old man stared down at him blankly, "Clean up your mess, idiot." Lavi watched him stalk back to his armchair then dutifully stood up. His muscles groaned and his arms and legs complained by pressing red bruises into his skin. Regardless, he pulled the bookcase up and placed it back against the wall. He straightened out the shelves and started piling the books and scrolls onto it carefully.

His head began to throb with a pounding headache that he really wanted to banish from his head for all time. It was the kind of headache he got when forced to watch a village flee from fire or raiders, or when he was told to leave an injured child behind and run away; that and the added incentive of Bookman's constant attacks. He was sure that he would end up with some kind of brain damage but part of him always wondered whether all Bookmen-in-training received the same kind of treatment – perhaps it increased their thinking capacity. That theory certainly explained Lavi's active mind that day.

He finished stacking the books and scrolls and turned to Bookman who was staring at him blankly.

"Good. Now, what is it you came barging into here for?" he asked bitterly.

Lavi took a less comfortable seat and perched on top of a tall pile of books just in front of Bookman. "I have to ask you something important, regarding Allen." The old man's eyes widened ever so slightly and his back stiffened as he fixed his wrinkled gaze on the red-head, but he said nothing, encouraging Lavi to continue.

"Just now he was possessed by the fourteenth." Bookman's alarm grew, Lavi could tell by the gleam in his black eyes, "The fourteenth wanted something, he wanted information on the Order and he asked me for it. I told him that I couldn't, but he kept trying to get around it, like he knew me. He's clever, so I wanted to know what your opinions were before I did anything that you'd want to kill me for."

Bookman's gaze dropped into a thoughtful frown as he considered the ideas presented and the ingrained law of a Bookman in his head. He sighed after a few minutes, resettling his eyes on Lavi.

"This is indeed a phenomenon that will be worthy to our notes."

"I'm not talking about the notes, Old Man, I'm asking-"

"I know what you are asking, do not interrupt, you fool!" He slapped Lavi across the head once again. Wonderful for his headache. "Listen to me. You are correct; you cannot give him information without consulting the Records Keeper and by the time you may have gotten an answer the fourteenth will have lost interest and would have found out information without our help. He is smart, you say? He can find out what he needs for himself."

"So should I try to stop it? It's already threatened to kill Allen, it won't bluff again."

Bookman hummed lowly, bringing his fingertips together in thought, "Is that true.." Lavi nodded softly and whether Bookman registered the gesture or not was unknown to Lavi. "Well then, we watch."

Lavi's heart betrayed him and thumped loudly in his throat, "W-We just watch?"

"We watch, Lavi." the old man repeated, watching him intently. Lavi recognised the challenge in the man's expression and knew he had to remain calm. He knew that he had to be a Bookman right now. There was nothing he could do to help Allen; all he could do was watch and record as was per Bookman Law. It hurt a stray piece of his heart that had evaded his rigorous training and was the main cause of his problems during the times he and Bookman went out to record wars or historical events. It had infected many more pieces of his heart since joining the Black Order like a cancerous tumour and he was sure that Bookman could see right through his chest and was monitoring that spot on his heart, ready with a scalpel to saw it off when it got dangerously big.

He nodded and met Bookman's gaze, "I understand." he said monotonously. "But.. what should I tell anyone that asks me about Allen's condition?"

"You can give them a condensed version of your observations. Tell them you have noticed that he is acting strange but as far as we know the Fourteenth has only revealed himself to you. Remaining unbiased as I hope you understand means that you will refrain from telling anybody about the Noah and will not take any action towards it unless it has revealed itself to a member of Order itself and has specifically asked you, as an exorcist, to assist in eradicating the Noah. Am I clear?" Lavi nodded.

"Perfectly." Bookman nodded in reply and waved a hand, dismissing Lavi. The red-head nodded and stood once again. He stepped out of the room and closed the door quietly.

He leaned back onto it, his eyes downcast and full of forbidden regret and uncertainty. He pitied Allen in that small section of his heart that wasn't cold; that wasn't the heart of a Bookman; that was human. He knew how upset the smaller exorcist would be if he came to face Lavi again and asked for help just to be turned down. Allen considered Lavi a good friend and protected him consistently as he did with every other dark Priest.

It made Lavi wince at the ironic nature of that love Allen held for him. Lavi was not a good friend. Not at all.

He sighed and pushed himself from the door and began to walk back to his room where he intended to bury himself in paper and information as deeply as he could until someone found out about the Noah. Neah.

At that moment he could do nothing but hope that Link would find out quickly. He hoped this because Link would undoubtedly tell Leverrier or the rest of the Order depending on what mood the Crow was in. Either way it would require the help of the Order – then Lavi could help too.

Yet at the same time, part of him hoped that it wouldn't be Link that found out first. Much of him hoped that someone like Lenalee would find out about the Noah and she would raise the alarm but in a subtle way that wouldn't get Allen into unnecessary trouble. She wouldn't be influenced by the Noah, he knew it. She loved Allen and despised the Noah too much to take pity on the Fourteenth.

"It's all on you, Lena..." he murmured, pushing open his bedroom door. All he could do was hide and wait for someone to call for him. He didn't want to run into Allen again.

He wasn't sure of what ashamed him the most; betraying Bookman by thinking such thoughts... or betraying Allen. But if Allen knew what his task as a Bookman was... it wasn't so much of a betrayal.

Was it?

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Word Count: 1,450  
Running Total Word Count: 13,560

Next Chapter: Does everybody really need to know?

I would be honoured if you could possibly review xx


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